You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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