if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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