guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
