I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize