Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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