If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
