Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
