i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
