So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize