I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize