2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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