hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
