I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
