I need help removing her.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
