I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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