You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
