shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
