I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
