Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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