and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
