No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
