Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
