I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
