Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
