i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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