My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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