cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
