Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
