ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
