he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
