My Higher Power is John Stamos
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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