dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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