U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize