I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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