This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
