is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
