Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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