Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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