and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize