I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
