just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
