i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone came in the potted fern
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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