Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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