Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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