the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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