Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
