Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
