There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
