my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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