I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
