I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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