I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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