We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
