absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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