will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize