exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
