Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
