you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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