HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
