I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
