he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
