well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
