I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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