My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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