you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
