I think i peed on brittanys purse
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
