she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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