i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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